we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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