Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
