ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
