I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
