Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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