So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
