how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
