it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
