ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
