So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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