just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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