I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
