at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
