My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
