Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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