I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
this just has baby written all over it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
