I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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