Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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