I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
