Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
