remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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