My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
