how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
