he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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