At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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