Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
