Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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