I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
