Having a random hookup so left but love u
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
