DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am available for nakedness
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
