Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this boner is exhausting
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
