apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
