didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
