The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
