Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
