guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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