The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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