I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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