I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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