I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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