Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
