Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
