It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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