She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
