You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
