My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
