now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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