he shaved USA in his pubs
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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