Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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