Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
